Tale Of The Tape: Ferris Bueller Vs. Tiger Woods

Ferris Bueller
Tiger Woods
(Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images)
(Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images)
Start To The Day
Lots of pre game – McGyvering entire room followed by licking palms and rewiring doorbell.
Winner Back Massage followed by counting money.
Eating Out
Winner Fine Dining - Chez Quis and its staff await your arrival.
Tiger's notorious for not leaving good tips – you'll pay and feel guilty about it.
Soaking in Culture
Winner Fine museums, sports events, a possible parade.
No chance of going to any public places.
Possible Third Wheel
Sloane Petterson or Cameron Frye – either would be a bonus.
Winner Lindsey Vonn
Getting Around Town
Winner Priceless 1961 Ferrari 250GT – less than 100 were made.
Used Buick with a busted rear window.
Chances of Getting Caught
Winner Just leave a key under the backdoor mat and we'll be fine.
Yeah – we won't go there.

The Winner Is

Winner Ferris Bueller
4 out of 6

Les jeux sont faits. Translation: the game is up. Ferris is the king of taking the day off and there is no doubt he is the right choice. Of course the question isn't what are you going to do. The question is what aren't you going to do?


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  3. FOXBORO, MA - OCTOBER 16:  Tom Brady #12 of the New England Patriots prepares to receive a snap during the game against the Cincinnati Bengals at Gillette Stadium on October 16, 2016 in Foxboro, Massachusetts.  (Photo by Jim Rogash/Getty Images) PHILADELPHIA, PA - SEPTEMBER 25:  Quarterback  Landry Jones #3 of the Pittsburgh Steelers throws a pass during warm ups before playing against the Philadelphia Eagles at Lincoln Financial Field on September 25, 2016 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.  (Photo by Rich Schultz/Getty Images)
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