The Inside Of A Maserati Is The Happiest Place On Earth

by Brian Cullen

There I stood, sopping wet from the rain, and face to face with one of the most beautiful automobiles I’ve ever seen. Next to it, one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen. At long last, after my years of spending recklessly and drinking myself to an early grave — my Batman fantasy was coming true.

“Good evening, gentlemen.” said the lovely woman. Gentlemen? Oh no! This poor woman is blind! What cruel world would create a goddess such as this, only to strike vision from her eyes! But at least she can see the gentle beauty of my soul, and–“She’s paid to be here,” said my editor.

“What?”

“She’s a model. She’s paid to be here and be sociable with people. Also, you said all that ‘goddess’ stuff out loud.”

“I–I did?”

“Yeah, you just forgot to put quotes up there, so it looked like inner monologue. Way to break the fourth wall, by the way.”

“Oh. Should I-”

“Nah. We’ve already started. Let’s go.”

My editor — the same gentleman what suggested I succumb to a shave at the hands of a tattooed barber at the Axe Facial Care event, thereby ruining my chances to meet Adrianne Palicki — once again dragged me out of my Cave of Sadness* (*apartment) to see what happens when you combine a room full of attractive, successful people with free booze and a poor Wreck-It Ralph impersonator (that’s me!).

But I should back up. Why have an event in the first place?

Read on at Man Cave Daily.

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