#1 LA RAMS “Ram It”
Not to be outshined by Chi-ca-go.
The L.A. Rams let their beats flow.
“Ram it,” they say; the lyrics are easy.
But the dancing, you’ll see, is straight-up cheesy.
#2 CHARLES BARKLEY
A man of many words, as we all know
But this rap he did to describe a taco
Was short on style and sass and flair,
But scripted by Taco Bell, to be fair.
#3 CHICAGO BEARS “Super Bowl Shuffle”
The Super Bowl Shuffle took the world by storm.
Football players dancing was not the norm.
McMahon and the Fridge hit the dance floor.
This rap routine is now part of their lore.
#4 JOHN CENA
John Cena’s the guy that says, “You Can’t See Me.”
“Son, you ain’t black; your coffee’s too creamy.”
So take your whack rhymes and your corny jean shorts
Back to the store cuz wrestling ain’t a real sport.
#5 METTA WORLD PEACE
Metta World Peace? More like Metta World War
Knocking out fans on the Pistons’ Home Floor.
Now the homey runs game with Kobe and Dwight.
Dont wanna hear you rap; we wanna watch you fight.
#6 DEION SANDERS
Deion’s style was dope with the bat and pigskin
But now it’s time for me to get my digs in.
You came out with that track called “Must Be The Money.”
Dude stick to sports, and don’t try to be funny.
#7 CHRIS DINGMAN “Paul Revere”
The Beastie Boys originated Paul Revere.
But Chris Dingman knows the words; he’s made that clear.
That’s why he comes in seventh place.
His raps make you wanna spray him with mace.
#8 SHAQUILLE O’NEAL
Shaq’s dat dude that used to ball with the Magic.
Then he started rhymin’ and his style was tragic.
Then he ran to L.A. and started playin’ for the Lakers.
But on the record store shelves there were no takers.
#9 DARRYL STRAWBERRY
A big baller named Darryl Strawberry
His raps, you’ll see, were nothin’ but scary.
He names himself like an ice cream flavor.
Chocolate Strawberry, we’ll see you later.
#10 TONY PARKER
Tony Parker tried to rhyme, but his style’s too slow.
Yo, stick to hoops, you fake Jacques Cousteau.
You know France sucks and the French just shallow.
You walk behind him in the street and the odor will follow.